Blanketing Bad

So...since I have been staying at home with the baby, I have started a new series on Netflix. Breaking Bad. I highly recommend it. Anyways, I have noticed a trend. Every couch at every house in the show has crocheted afghan on it. They make me a lot more excited about my blanket projects.

Maybe one day my blankets will be famous.

Something new...

So after completing my last crocheted blanket...see previous post...I got started on my next one. Most of my crochet projects have been for little girls and big girls and women. So for this next one I decided to switch it up a bit. I rummaged my far too large yarn collection and found some more boyish/manly colors. This blanket kind of seems to have a nautical theme. I am liking what I see so far. Like on my previous blanket, I have decided not to use a specific pattern and will use the random color generator. I found the pattern for free here. And this is what I've gotten so far.

 

Let me know what you think. This blanket isn't claimed yet so if you are interested in ordering it, let me know. I plan to be finished with it by the end of the week. 

On another note I went on my first trail run in about a year.  

It was nice to finally run again and it was a beautiful day. I just happen to be blessed enough to live 10 minutes from a trailhead of the Cumberland Trail, which is a part of the Appalachian Trail. This means it is quite steep and rocky and covered in roots in lots of places. There were some parts of the trail where running was not the most logical thing to do. But I chose not to follow my logic. And guess what resulted...two busted up knees. Yup...I was the girl who wiped out on the trail. Here we're the results.  

While the baby was sleeping...

I am a temporary stay at home mother until I start teaching in August. My son is 7 weeks old and still spends a lot of time sleeping. So this is what I've been working on while Shea is sleeping...

 

My motivation for this post as well as my latest project came from Lucy at Attic24. I am grateful for her free patterns as well as the encouragement to stick to a project as we see her works in progress. I made the blanket below using her hexagon pattern and throwing in a bit of this and that I came up with as well as ideas I pulled from other generous bloggers. The blanket is a birthday gift for my sister. Sorry it's not up for grabs. But I do sell custom blankets so let me know if you're interested. 

This is where it all started.

 

I used 7 colors of Red Heart Super Saver yarn...black, white, bright yellow, pale yellow, pretty in pink, petal pink, and turqua. The colors together remind me of a lemonade stand under a bright blue sky.  Then I got started on the first of 48 hexagons. The journey had begun!

 

What made this blanket so fun was that there was no strict pattern. No two hexis are the same. I used the fun Random Stripe Generator to randomly distribute the colors. Here is a sample of what was to come.

 

 

I made the edges using a combination of what Lucy used at Attic24 and the pattern found here.

 

 

The finished product came after about 18 total hours of work between diaper changings and tummy times and feedings...while Shea was sleeping.  Here is the final result.

 

 

Stringy Specs:
Blanket 44x38 inches
48 Hexagons (20 minutes each) plus a 4-row border (2 hours)...18 hours
11 skeins of yarns (364 yards each)...4004 yards
$3 each...$33
2.27 miles of yarn
33.33 football fields

 

Things are a bit different now...

So...since my last post was in June of 2010...there is a lot to catch you up on. I am sure no one is reading this but maybe one day someone will. Because I feel maybe little pieces of my life may be worth reading. For example: my husband and I are both teachers so we have lots of stories in our pockets. I am/was/going to be again a CrossFit doing runner who happens to love to crochet. I am a 24 year old wife and mother of a 7 week old baby boy and 2 shelter dogs. My son is of the human species. The canines are a male wire haired terrier mix who looks a lot like Wishbone and a pit bull who looks like...well a pit bull. And for those of you who are judging me for having a pit bull we will address that later. So since I last posted... 1. I graduated from the University of Tennessee at Chattanooga 2. I married my best friend on my graduation day. 3. I went on a honeymoon to San Diego California for my honeymoon instead of the planned trip to the Bahamas and it was amazing...another story for another day. 4. Celebrated Christmas during our honeymoon with the new in-laws...wonderful. 5. Returned home to a new job teaching students with social and/or learning disorders in a public high school(this is where some of you may gasp) yes, a public high school. 6. Moved into a great little 2br house walking distance from downtown Chattanooga. 7. Adopted Roscoe, our hyper little wire haired terrier. 8. Tried to find jobs closer to family in either Texas or California with no luck and realizing that would not be a possibility any time soon. 9. House hunted and realized what we thought we wanted we couldn't afford. 10. Stumbled on my dream house that we still couldn't afford. 11. Offered what we could afford on the house and kept our fingers crossed. 12. Got a major steal because the family was desperate to move out. 13. Moved from our little rental house in the city to our own house in the country where we are surrounded by farms, see deer in the neighbors yard on a regular basis, hear donkeys braying from inside the house, and occasionally have to stop for llamas to cross the street. 14. Decided we were ready to start a family...and started by adding a pit bull to the mix to prepare our little terrier to not be he center of attention anymore. 15. Told my husband I was pregnant...another story for another day. 16. Got put on bedrest when I was 34 weeks pregnant due to preterm labor 7 weeks early...was told he would come any day. 17. Three weeks later our healthy little boy was born and that brings us to today... Today: 330 am...woke up for the first time since 11pm to feed our little guy. 630 am...my husband woke up to change little guy's diaper...which he had completely soaked...and the sheets on his bassinet were changed for the first time of the day...then he ate his 2nd meal of the morning 7 am...hubby cuddled with him before he had to get ready to go work at the summer camp we have worked together the past 2 summers. Now 856 am...watching little guy sleep in his monkey swing eating strawberry pop tarts and about to watch The Bachelorette with my mother in law while I work on finishing my sister's crocheted blanket she asked for for her birthday. Here's a pic of the messy pile of yarn and part of the blanket...I will take more work in progress pictures later. Hopefully this is one of the most boring posts I write but I felt you needed a look into my life to see what you have in store. I promise the other posts will be worth your time. At least I think so.

Tears of a Teacher

I pray for you my little friend

With your short stubby hands

And squinty-eyed smile

I pray for you

You underestimated Einstein

If only I knew what you were thinking

 

I pray for you

My beautiful tight-lipped friend

With long dark hair

And eyes that spoke of the world

And all of the amazing and scary things

They had seen

I wish you had spoke of them sooner

 

I pray for you my long-legged jumping bean

With feet that thought the ground was lava

 

I pray for you my curly-cued neck squeezer

Who chased me down in the sanctuary on Sunday

How come you waited five years to talk

And when you did it was almost “Goodbye?”

 

I pray for you my val-In-tin Picaso

Thank you for always being “the best”

And for delivering my card to me at lunch

Along with a hug

 

I pray for you my Conyers buddy

Who smiled at everyone

You didn’t even know me

And I wanted to know you

Everyone else did and I was jealous

 

I pray for you my friend for a minute

Who I saw but never saw me

If only I explored the world as well

As someone without their sight

I will never forget the touch of your tiny hand

Or the way your bare feet knew the way

Through the muddy grass

 

I pray for you Peter

You became the face of the boy

In the world in the back of the wardrobe

You had his same fight

And stubborn personality

And you became my muse

I thought if I could figure you out

I was meant to be a teacher

And I am

 

I pray for you

Yes, I pray for you

Once is enough

Once is enough

I pray for you and all of the wishes

In your wish journal

The ones we had to spell out for you

The ones you wrote on your own

And the ones that never reached the page

May all of your wishes come true

 

I pray for you in the back of the room

Too cool to sit any closer

You laugh because you think it is all you can do

But I know you better

And I know you would love that book

If you only believed

You could become a great reader

 

I pray for you

Who screamed and hid under the table

From a teacher who loved you

Who probably cried at home

Because she cared for you that much

And wished she could fix

What you were really hiding from

 

I pray for you

Miss Blondie

Who looks too hard for love

Because you don’t yet love yourself

I hope someday you do

Like everybody else

 

I pray for you little one

Who would never wake up from your nap

And screamed when hauled off your mat

And sucked your thumb raw

And bit when you were mad

I had to find a way to make you smile

Cookie Monster did the trick

And swings if we never went inside

You were my favorite little monster

No one’s first words

Should be the only ones you ever said

You were too young to hear them

I hope your vocabulary soars

As high as you liked to go on the swings

 

I pray for you

With your 22 cats

And clothes that don’t fit

I hope those cats bring you friendship

When you struggle to find it

And softness when life gets too hard

And solace when you need to find peace

 

I pray for you oh shy quiet one

With a singing voice as strong as a river

And as pure as angel whispers

We will know our Savior when we come to him

By the marks where the nails have been

Thank you for the bittersweet picture

Of what is to come

Never let yourself disappear

Your beauty deserves to be heard and seen

 

I pray for you who will not be overlooked

I pray that they understand you aren’t trying to stand out

You just do

That is you

I pray that you don’t get ignored

Just because you are always noticed

I hope people see more than trouble

And don’t try to drown out your voice

May you be drawn to the opposite

That you need to find in a friend

 

I pray for you

Refreshing sunshine

Never let the world break

Your contagious soaring spirit

I promise there is more light than darkness

 

I pray for you Ms.Giggles

Who cries herself to sleep

I pray to the Lord that when you wake

Your safety he did keep

I pray that you remember

His hand is stronger

Than any hand that ever comes near you

 

I pray for you dear girl

Who only prays for everyone else

I wish I knew what prayers to say for you

 

I pray for you child

Whose body does not show her strength

Who couldn’t climb up the steep steps alone

But tried as hard a she could

Carrying you up the mountain comes to mind sometimes

When I feel I need carrying

 

I pray for you Ms. Smart Pants

With braces buckled around them

Who will make for a very insistent

Parent or teacher one day

I am glad your parents didn’t believe

When the doctors kept saying you wouldn’t

You can crawl; you can talk;

And Babygirl, you’re starting to walk

May as well learn to run while you are at it

And challenge those doctors to a race

 

I can’t wait to see you all

When all of our worries are gone

…And hear you

…And hug you

…And cry happy tears

To replace all the ones I cried for you before.

Hey Pipa:
We miss you already
But what a life you have lived
A whole great bunch of years
And a great big family to show for it
I only spent the past twenty of them with you
And I can remember so much life in those years
I remember playing with Madalynn down in your shop
And exploring the basement for who knows what
I remember all the times that you and Grandmommy
Came to watch a race, a game, a meet, a competition…
I remember all the holidays spent here and there
Grayson, Conyers, Commerce…wherever
I remember a few beach trips
But lately what I remember has been so much clearer
I remember teaching you how to use your new cell phone
I remember bringing over Harley, and Scooby when they were little pups
You fell in love and didn’t ever want them to leave
But there was someone who wouldn’t have been happy if they didn’t
I remember asking you as I was hauling the puppies off to head home,
“Pipa, who are you going to miss more, me or the puppies?”
You said, “the spotted one.”
You must not have heard me right
Because everyone knows I am your favorite
But shhh…it’s our little secret
I remember you asking my first boyfriend if we ever held hands
I think I remember saying never!
I remember you asking my last boyfriend when we were getting married
We told you “next December”
You said, “What in the world are you waiting that long for?”
We laughed because you of all people understood
Then the rest of our time with you there was full of stories
We heard how you two lovebirds walked uphill 50 miles both ways
In hailstorms barefooted through barbed-wire and glass each day
Just to see each other
We heard how you should have paid attention to God’s sign
Saying you shouldn’t run off and get married all rebelliously
But no flat tire was gonna stop you from getting hitched
And thanks to your persistent pleadings she married you anyways
I guess a man that in love would say anything to get his way
And thank goodness your nagging paid off
And Grandmommy let you marry her anyways
Because if she hadn’t I wouldn’t have such a huge family
I have lost count of all of my cousins
I don’t know how your daughter does it
Better yet I don’t know how you kept up with us all anyways
But you did, and you have, and you will
It’s just now you’ve got the aerial view
And you can keep an eye on all of us at once
But I am going to miss you like crazy, you know
Who else’s perfectly placed hair can I mess up
I know I can’t get away with it with Papa Bud
But we had an understanding
And I will miss sitting in your lap
All 125 pounds of me
Even though Mom told me not to
Carrying a cane wasn’t going to keep me out of your lap
Sorry
As far as I know I never broke any of your bones

It’s hard to say goodbye
I didn’t know what to expect when I came
I have never done this before
I don’t like watching people cry
(So if you’re crying, please stop)
But when I got to your house
Nothing felt different
It was calm
Everyone was smiling
And not faking it
You didn’t look like yourself so I said hi and left the room
But then I realized that was silly
I sat with you for a really long time
We talked
Well, I talked to you and you tried to talk back
But you were listening and squeezing my hand
You were probably trying to pinch me
“Dat not nice”
But I guess my pinch count had reached its limits
I wasn’t scared to see you go because I knew where you were headed
But for a while it was just you and I
And I felt bad that I was the one with you
When so many wished they could be
I told you how much everyone loved you
But I knew you already knew
I got scared that I would be the last to say it
I leaned in and told you that I was scared
So you weren’t allowed to be
And you squeezed my hand real hard
I knew you meant “don’t be scared, because I’m not.”
And all day you were surrounded by the love of so many people
Even the ones who couldn’t be here
I both hated and loved the day
I am not scared to say it is a day I will never forget
Because it is a day that I want to treasure

It’s a good thing your sea green polo matched the curtains
Because someone noticed that the pink sheets didn’t
I know Grandmommy didn’t like them
It’s a secret, you didn’t hear that from me
But you can thank Mama Mac and I
We two women got three kings for you
With blue pillowcases that did match the curtains
They also matched your eyes
We miss those big blue eyes already
That lit up when you smiled
But I can only imagine what your eyes see now
We miss you but your house is not empty
You left us with your love
And there was plenty to go around
You gave us your smile before you went home
You made sure we each had a little piece of it before you left
So we could laugh in the kitchen after you did
I am sure God gave you a new smile when you arrived
When your eyes closed tears spilled from ours
But it was such a relief to know
You would cry no more
Our hearts are not hardened towards your new roommate
But now clinging tighter to his hands
I just pray that when my day comes
I can go home just like that…

I want to make a difference with my PASSION!!!

Sorry for the use of explicatives in this video
But I have never seen something so moving
This is what my life will be about
And that excites me more than (almost) anything
I want to wake up everyday
With so much enthusiasm
That my students can't help
But come to school just as excited
No matter what happened at home
Before they got to school
My hope is that they will leave it at the door
That my hug and smiling face
Will brush the weight of their shoulders
And if it doesn't
I will write them words of encouragement
On brightly-colored sticky notes
Because both bright colors
And sticky notes
Make me smile
That alone is a hint that I was born to teach
I will understand that they are much smarter
Than they appear to be
On mornings like those
And that is okay
Because I have had my fair share
Of mornings like those
When I am the one in need of a hug
They will know
I will declare group hug
And the boys will roll their eyes
When really they love it just as much
As all those cootie covered cuties
And as a wise fellow teacher
(Who I happen to love
And will be marrying next December)
Told me had worked in his classroom
I, too, will put into practice
I will tell my students to take out a piece of paper
And write anything on it
That they wish hadn't happened
Or that they did wrong
Or something that makes them sad
Or anything that would distract them
From being a great learner that day
"No. It is not for a grade."
And here is what I will tell them:
"Take that piece of paper
And wad it up in a ball
Or rip it into a million little pieces
And throw it in the trash can
Because right now none of that matters
From the moment that paper
Enters that trash can
You will be ready
For the best day of school
You have ever had
And when they are all in that can
We will clap and cheer
And smile FOR THE REST OF THE DAY
Because just like McDonald's
I love to see you smile
OKAY?"
I want to fill young minds
With knowledge
And hearts with courage
And backbones with confidence
And legs with perseverance
And hearts with smiles
Because if I can't do that
I have failed them
I have wasted my time
And theirs
They need a teacher
Like the one I want to be
And aspire to be
And dream to be
And wish to be
And plan to be
Because on my way
From where I was
To where I am
Someone taught me to learn
Until I learned to love it
They showed me all I had been through
And told me I was brave
Someone saw something a me
That I didn't even know was there
And wouldn't let that me go to waste
Someone would never let me give up
Or slow down
No matter how much it hurt
Someone made me laugh
When I wanted to cry
Someone taught me how to fake a smile
Until I realized it wasn't fake anymore
I want to be that someone
For at least someone
And what better place to do it
Than in a classroom
Full of kids who haven't had
Nearly enough of those things
They need me
To help them be
The people God created them to be
And I need them
To help me be
The person God created me to be
I want to have story after story
To tell the people who ask
Why I am a teacher
When I can make more money
Doing other things
I want to have the words to say
To the people who say
It takes a special person to teach
"The Special Kids"
But as the once dearly beloved
Purple dinosaur would say
"Everybody is special."
And I am honored
That they see me as such
But when they say that to me
It comes across as sympathy
As if they are thinking
Wow...
I guess someone has to do it
I am glad it is not me
But I am SO GLAD
It will be me
And I CAN'T WAIT
To become the person
That everyone feels sorry for
It sucks to be them
They sure are missing out

Life and Death, not necessarily in that order

Death:
To some people it is scary
To some people it is sad
Understandable
But,
There is something strangely beautiful about a graveyard
I don’t know what it is
Or if I would feel differently if I knew the people
Who once lived in the bones below
But it is peaceful
And quiet
And still
In the quiet hillside between its stone walls
I could somehow feel life around me
Monika put it perfectly
“There is just something about dead people
That makes me feel more alive.”
I must agree with her
The only thing sad
Was what was said on the stones
Just names and dates
And the occasional cliché phrase
“Lost but never forgotten”
But most of the people there
Will be forgotten
One day their family and friends will no longer
Walk the earth
They may one day be in the ground beside them
But if they leave nothing of their life behind
But a bunch of photographs and loved ones
Their memory will only live on earth for so long
“As far as gravestones go,
It is not the date at the beginning or the end that matters
But how they used their dash”
I know that I will live forever in a place that feels like home
But I want a part of me to live long after my loved ones leave
That is what I am trying to do
Putting my heart on a page
Makes me feel as though I can touch many tomorrows
And my voice may someday be heard
By people I never met
I want my dash to be one of life
Because that is what a dash is after all:
LIFE

I cannot suppress my extreme longing to live the “American Dream”
Though it is so much more than that
The American dream is to graduate from high school
And be someone people will remember at reunions
Go to college and somehow leave with no loans to pay off
Be it sports or scholarships or just a generous rich family
Find your prince charming or perfect 10
Get a job where you make just above a decent living
Whether that involves influencing lives for the better or for the worse
Then get married before your biological clock ticks one year too long
Have kids
Keep them off of drugs, out of jail, hope they don’t have kids before it’s time
And pray they remain a significant part of the family once they move out
But I long for so much more than that
I pray that what I left behind in the hometown I will seldom return to
Is something worth remembering because I somehow impacted lives
I want to learn lessons in college both in and outside of the classrooms
I want to more than just pass my classes but excel
I want to learn to move on when my performance is less than excellent
I want to let go of my plans for my life and accept what may be hard to accept
That sometimes my dreams for me aren’t necessarily in the “cards” God has dealt me
I want to touch people
Bring smiles where they are lacking
Hug the hurting
Make people laugh on a dull day
And wake up the sleepwalkers
I want to be a face that makes people smile
I want to walk with a purpose even though I don’t always know what it is
I want to sing in the rain
And trust through the pain
And try not to complain
I want to learn what I need to know for my future
Or at least what this institution can teach me
Then move on to bigger and better things
That may be more worse sometimes than better
I want to be prepared for those times
Wrapped in the Lord’s armor
I want to do what I know I have been called to do
Teach the unteachable
Hug the untouchable
Know the unreadable
And inspire the ignored
The future that I and few others believe in
I want to “settle down” with the love of my life
That I know God created to love me forever
And strive to cherish me as God does
I want to love him back with the love of Christ
I want to have the triangle relationship
Us at the bottom
Growing closer to God as we grow closer together
I want to get married
Even though some doubters say we are too young
Because God said not to let anyone think less of you because you are young
But be an example to all believers in speech, in life, in love, in faith
And in purity
And for that I am willing to wait
But maybe not quite as long as some feel we should
And together we will climb the mountains
Enjoy the scenery from the top
Seek his face in the valleys, and walk the winding roads we are led down
I want to start a family and love them with all we have to give
And provide all of the experiences that we can give them in this life
And teach them to love people as we are called to love
And show them what a marriage should be
And help them learn from our mistakes
I want to laugh and cry and play and reach
With so much passion
That that is what I will be remembered for when God calls me home
That is MY American Dream
And I will live it
Wherever in the world God decides to send US
Because since I found him
I don’t plan on walking this road alone ever again
Though I know if I HAD to
God would be enough
To carry me through

Nine days from today
Is a day that stands for a beginning
That many thought was just an end
What a great time of year
To begin a new chapter of life
And soon Jennifer and Curt will do just that

If anyone was to pass by 1701 Canterbury Point
On the eve of April 4th, 2009
They would see a simple brick house
Glowing with pastels and sparkling chandeliers
In the window of the first floor you would see
A woman filling square vases with purple flowers
And tying pink ribbons on linen napkins
And hanging little Easter eggs above the table
Not creating a little kid’s egg hunt feel
But just a hint of the new life about to hatch
Metaphorically speaking
You would see attention to the little details
That would make each guest feel welcomed
From the picture frames they will take with them
To each individual personalized flowerpot
Placed at each seat around the tables
You would see sparkling crystal glasses
And gold-rimmed china just waiting
To be filled with ham tomorrow afternoon
In the kitchen are tall pink flowers
A tall centerpiece on the island bar
Where the guests will come gather their food
But now it is late, the lights are turned off
A very late (early) time is shown on the clock
The chairs are pushed in, the house tidied up
Tomorrow morning we’re off to fill up coffee pots
For now this is Meredith signing off
Can’t wait for the party and all that comes with it
I’ll capture the moments so they never wither!

See the rest of this photoshoot at http://www.beforeitwithers.com

AWAKEN

So this is the street we walk down every day
Some in our own world
Some still rubbing our eyes to get fully awake

We all leave our dorms or our apartments or homes
And forget to remember who we're called to exalt
And we climb up onto our own thrones

We walk down the road and meet up with our friends
This life we are living seems an endless cycle
A wheel that we roll along seeking our ends

We think at these endings we will find something more
More joy, less monotony, more excitement, less stress
We think our lives are difficult, lonely, or just a bore

When our eyes have been rubbed and no longer bloodshot
When our friends or good grades or good foods wake us up
There is a spot inside us that just has something missing
Like a flower in wintertime longing for springtime to wake it up

On our faces are smiles and laughter and gladness
Where does it come from and how long will it last
Where does our joy go when something bad happens

On the outside we look like we've got it together
We say that through Christ we can brave any weather
But if that was true then we aren't good at showing
Just how far our God's got us going
We say that we are growing and on the right track
Maybe that's true but there's something we lack
I know we all have it, a flame in our heart
That we were given when Christ made our old selves depart
That flame never leaves us or gets snuffed out
But we're to show others what it's all about
We think that just praying for our meals is enough
Or praying for our friend who’s been through something rough
Or wearing a cross around our necks
Or going to Cru to get on our God quest
But what if we woke up a little bit early
What if we dropped to our knees for the hurting
What if we prayed God would open our eyes
Help us to turn away from Satan's lies
What if we talked to him like we do all our friends
What do you think might happen then
Maybe the Christian inside us would awaken
Seek to fight Satan with determination
Maybe we could reach a whole nation
Starting on our campus, 8000 in population
If our underdog mediocre basketball team
Can make a night show because of a crazy dream
A school our country knows nothing about
Made it to the big stage against all the doubt
I know that just the part of Cru here tonight
Is bigger than that team and Christ’s on our side
So we are much stronger than they will ever be
If we all lean on each other I know we will see
God's plans are much bigger than we could ever imagine
If we are deaf to his voice the results could be tragic
Though we are just students not yet in the real world
Let’s do something crazy, give this God thing a whirl
Stop underestimating all we can do
Let’s stop being fake, I'll do me, you do you
I know God has created us each different and unique
I have got something special, something that's only me
And you have a calling that no one else has
So don't let another opportunity pass
When God tells you something you think is just crazy
Like nike, just do it, don't get too lazy
Wake up my Cru-ites and do something insane
When you leave Cru tonight be ready to take on the rain
I have no clue where these words came from
I am not kidding I didn't write a word, not one
I am completely overwhelmed by what my writing has told me
This isn't just for you, this was God’s voice to me
The rain is the storm I know's on the way
It's a storm of God's power that's starting today
God told me today what he's speaking to you
The life we've been living until now is through
You take the flickering candle of yours
Touch someone who’s never felt it before
We may each be one flickering flame
But God is the gasoline ready to create a big bang
You kindle that flame and listen to God’s growing voice
Seek him each time life calls you to make a new choice
If we all bring our flames near to God something crazy will happen
We will each find our place in his plan be it preachin or rappin
Or painting or loving or playing for him
Or kindling a flame that’s grown fearfully dim
Something is different I feel it already
God's got something in store so yall need to be ready
When God starts working the devil changes his plans
Goes on a mission to tie up Christians' hands
Even as I type this poem I'm shakin
From all of the words I hear my God sayin
To sum up this poem I'll just say AWAKEN

Don't Stereotype Me

Don’t Stereotype Me
I am not your average writer
I steal snippets of words here and there
From a magazine ad
Or a sentence in a story
Or a line in a song
Then I make it mine
I take words whispered in my ear
And treasure them in the cupped hands
Of my heart
I make poetry out of nothing
Then when I read it
It is almost music
And I wonder where the toneless song
Came from
“I am not your average girl”
Yet another line
From another song
One that isn’t mine
But I am not your average diva
Or a pastel princess
Or a girly-girl
I have recently discovered I do like pink
But I call myself a tomboy
Power Rangers were my Barbies
And sports are the pep in my step
However, I do like pink
I love pink
But yellow is my favorite
Yellow makes people stop and take a second look
Yellow gets your attention
And makes you smile
Aren’t all smiley faces yellow?
If my skin were a different color
I would want it yellow
Not for the attention
But it would stand out
Among blacks and browns and blues and greens
It’s different
Not many people’s favorite color
But it is by far mine
I have discovered the color
That radiates within me
My color is no better than yours
It is just the best one for me
There is nothing wrong with blue
That sparkles in a pool on a sunny summer day
Or paints the sky to make the day
Worthy to be called
A beautiful day
There is nothing wrong with green
The color of spring
Spring that is a fresh start
Green is grass that makes the yard smell like summer
There is nothing wrong with red
It tells people to stop
And prevents trillions of wrecks
And though it earns many a people tickets
It is great just the same
It is the color of fire trucks
That come to the rescue
To save people and the buildings that house them
It is the color of lipstick
That makes lips look so kissable
And what shows when we blush from the good ones
There is nothing wrong with orange
The color or the fruit
Or the juice
But it isn’t really orange
It’s yellow
Another reason why yellow is my favorite
Even orange is a yellow wannabe
Orange is good for something, though
No sunset or sunrise would be complete without it
There is nothing wrong with purple
It always makes an appearance at baby showers
And who doesn’t love babies?
And like many of the world’s colors
It, too, has a reservation at sunset and sunrise
But there are so many things right with yellow
There is nothing more to say

Don’t Stereotype Me
I am not a hippie
Though I would rather be outside
Than anywhere else
Call me a tree-hugger
Monika made me a dedicated recycler
And I am proud each time I deposit
My bottles and paper and plastic
Sometimes I count them
And hope my 10 bottles and stack of paper each week
Make my carbon footprint a little smaller
Even though my real footprint
Is way larger than it should be
My poems may be scatterbrained
And lack any semblance of organization
But they are the real me
So deal with it
If an editor ever reads this
(Which I hope happens one day)
I will not let them make these senseless poems
Make sense to them
They only have to make sense to me
Though they don’t always do so
Some of these poems make me sound crazy
Which I am
But I am not too crazy to be around
I think
Unless my friends are phony
Phone-Y-Friend
I grew up in the days
Of Who Wants to be a Millionaire?
With Regis Philben
As you can see my ADD is kicking in
My self-diagnosed ADD that is
And while we are on the topic
Of Who Wants to be a Millionaire
I highly recommend that every person
Who reads this rambling poem
Sees Slumdog Millionare
It may be one of my favorite movies
Of all time
Along with Big Fish
“There comes a time in a man’s life
Where he must accept that all hope is lost
And only a fool will continue
The truth is I have always been a fool”
Foolish am I
I am a foolish dreamer
I want to break a 5-minute mile
Which will probably never happen
Now that my college running days are over
But I hope someday I can chase that again
I want to jump out of an airplane
And not have a seizure on the way down
And live to tell the story
Of how my extreme excitement
Became extreme fear
As soon as they opened the doors of the plane
I want to hike the whole Appalachian Trail
One short adventure at a time
And run a successful business
And a marathon and a triathlon
And raise a family with a faithful husband
Who I never regret marrying
And see my country and the world
And change many lives for the better
And become a better person everyday
And make someone smile every chance I get
And live a life worthy of the gospel of Christ
And show someone Jesus without saying a word
And make my life one worth remembering
And die completely content
With the footsteps and words and family
I will leave behind

Do Not Stereotype Me
I am not your average loudmouth
Or rambling raven
Or mouth of the south
Though I feel I have a lot to say
And I say it
Most of the time
There are pieces of me
Deep in my heart
That only I and my maker can see
I leave a lot unsaid
I bite my tongue
More than people may think
I know I sometimes talk when I should listen
And I know I sometimes watch my words
When they need to be spoken
But I feel like when I talk
My words are heard or read for a reason
Every word has a purpose
And I try not to waste mine
Though I am sure I often do
Often my face does the talking for me
When I bite my tongue
My words tend to spill from my eyes in tears
Or radiate from my eyes
In love or anger or frustration or longing
Lately just longing
The tears tend to fall when no one is around
Or everyone is sleeping
When I am laying in my bed all alone
Wanting to have a certain someone beside me
Yet again I have said too much
But I try not to hesitate when my fingers are typing
And I only use backspace when I find a word that fits better
Or a typo that needs correcting
That is all for now
As far as communication goes

Do Not Stereotype Me
I am not your typical teenager
Nor will I be your average young adult
Or the everyday person
Who goes through the motions
I plan on doing something with my life
And I am in the process at the moment
When I walk I will walk with a destination
Even if I don’t know where I am going
I will walk with a purpose
Knowing eventually my destination will find me
When I talk I will choose my words carefully
Or at least hope that what I say is important
When I love
I will love with all of the love
I have collected in this short life of mine
Though I am young
I feel I am underestimated
Not that I can do it all alone
I need guidance and advice
But only God really knows
The advice I need
And sometimes the people I love
Think they know when they don’t
But I love that they love me enough to try
When I hear
I will try to listen
And treasure the person who’s speaking
And learn what they have to say
And laugh and smile and cry
When such expressions are necessary
And can be genuinely felt
Whatever I feel on my hands my lips or my tongue
I will not take for granted
Warm water on cold hands
The soft ears of dogs and puppies
A cold glass of water
A coke (preferably from a glass bottle)
A strawberry-orange smoothie from Smoothie king
Where you have to order off of the menu
A good plate of parmesan pasta
A golden waffle with whipped crème
A Gatorade at the end of a run
A scoop of cookies and cream from Clumpie’s
“Shared” with good company
A perfect kiss
I want to taste life
And kiss back with life-tasting lips
For that is what love is
Love is life
And a kiss is not just on the lips
In conversations kiss your companion with honest words
And when your life comes to an end
Blow the whole world a kiss
A breath of the life you have lived
With a big smack of the lips as you say your goodbyes
And tell them to pass it on!

Little by little he opened my eyes to see
This was all part of the plan he had for me
The navy wasn’t for me though I felt its lure
Then later on I thought I’d be a dawg for sure
It was later on that year when I wasn’t running fast
A new opportunity in Nashville came to pass
I could see me in the red white and blue
Maybe running as a bruin was what I was to do
But something about Chatt-town tugged on my heart
I was still in doubt with such a rocky start
But now looking back on it all
You helped me hear your call
You brought me to the place
Where I would seek your face
You put people in my life
To help me pursue what’s right
Kids you’ve allowed me to reach
And your word I’ve heard preached
This is where you want me now
I don’t know when and I don’t know how
I will get to the place you want me next
But I know you will find a way to connect
My life to your will though I often turn
And walk my way and bridges I burn
Yet still in my filthy life you shine light
And find a way to use my useless life
For that I will praise you, your path I will seek
Climb til I reach the mountain’s peak
Push me from below when I need a lift
Don’t let me forget my strength is a gift
A gift from above
A gift of great love
A gift that needs a life of humility
Heal my blindness so I might see
The blessings you pour into my life
Are from you alone may I never lose sight
It is not about me but all about you
I'm trusting that you will see me through

From the Lamb to the Lion

Here I am Lord
Seeking to find you in some sacred way
Amidst the chaos in my mind
Trying to hear what you have to say
You are not looking for all the right words
Or poetry that beautifully rhymes
But lately I’ve had such a poet’s heart
And rhymes are what I’m feeling inside
In no way do my thoughts make since
As they seem to here on this page
But I’m just a girl who is longing for you
Though I feel you’re outside of my cage
I’m feeling quite trapped inside my own thoughts
Though they are thoughts that make me smile
It is those thoughts that cause me to text my friends
When it’s your number I’m trying to dial

I am in a box like a mime
Trying to reach you on the other side
Speaking a language that I know you understand
But feeling like a monkey speaking to a man
The words of my heart sound all jumbled when spoken
The pain that I have, at times, leaves me broken
I dream wonderful dreams when I am awake
Then in my sleep my dreams or epilepsy makes me quake
My health is so healthy one day and then not
The voices that tell me to quit I have fought
But this fight is leaving my heart weak and unsure
Lord on my thoughts grant a heavenly cure
I want to pour every thought out to you
But I seek loving people before I seek you
Then when I come to you I feel all shared out
And it’s my walk with you that I begin to doubt
I know I felt you as close as my skin
But I must say it’s been a while since then
I wonder if there is something I can do
To feel that way when I come to you
Some days I would hear you as if you were here
Not just beside me but whispering in my ear
Now I feel like a baby trying to speak to a lion
Or the lamb that just longs to sit down beside him
And play with his mane or snuggle up close
Or roll in the grass and tell lots of jokes
Or just try to take one more step closer
And somehow feel a little less like a loner
A lamb in an exhibit that is filled with grown lions
Me in the corner so scared that I’m cryin
Yes I’m the lamb who has been captivated
Feeling my life is way too overrated
To make company with a creature so great
So ashamed of my size I won’t show my face
Now I can feel you creeping my way
Softly and slowly as to not scare me away
I hear not quite a growl but more than a purr
Then I feel the touch of your bristly fur
Still I am trembling in your company
I know if I open my eyes I will see
Your large brown eyes staring right into mine
With a love so captivating it can’t be defined
Yet I wait and I wonder just what I will say
When I turn and look into your holy face
But tonight I can’t do it, I don’t feel strong enough
To lay my heart out there and hope it’s enough
I know that it is but I’m frozen here in the grass
Wishing this fright in my heart would just pass
But tonight will you just lay down within my reach
And wait until tomorrow, maybe then I might breach
This fear that’s been building a wall around me
So I can let my heart love you as you have loved me
Tonight I am feeling like a middle school girl
Back in that place where boys were my world
When I had a huge crush on a boy in my class
I would turn my head away when he passed
Afraid he would hear my heart beat so fast
Thought those times in my life were way in the past
But now I remember I felt almost the same
When I learned Mr. Strauss had a first name
All I wanted to do was to have him for company
But I wondered why he would want to make time for me
So when I saw him glancing my way
I would look at the ground not to give it away
All the things I had conjured inside of my head
I just knew that my thoughts would be easily read
And ever since the day I first looked into his eyes
I could see neither him nor I could disguise
The feelings we felt were felt by each-other
That he would be way more than my Christian brother
I know deep down that is what it would be like
Like falling in love again for the millionth time
Like making all of the right words rhyme
To put onto this paper what I’m feeling inside
For now I’m too tired to give you my heart
But telling you tonight how I feel is a start
And for now I will keep my face buried in grass
Hoping that tomorrow this longing hasn’t passed
To let myself love you with all of my heart
And feel once again a brand new start
Sometime tomorrow I will turn my head
And look into the eyes that cannot be read
From this side of heaven but I will sure try
To take just a moment to stare in your eyes
And let myself fall completely in love with you
Tomorrow that is what I plan to do…
Tonight may I feel you breathe as I sleep
You a strong lion and me a frail sheep!

Call Me an Obscure Dreamer

Today was a day of change
Not just for Barack’s campaign
Not just living up to his proclaim
Today we stood on the past
Both looking forward and glancing back
Today we proved equality can last
And acceptance can begin where it’s lacked
Rick Warren stood and prayed
And a whole lawn of Americans bowed
As they did I cast down my doubts
I have underestimated my fellow people
Of these 50 United States
Fearing something terrible would come
Judging from past heartaches
But change we have and bounds we’ve made
To this from terrible yesterdays
Gaining knowledge from past mistakes
And using it to create a better today
This morning I saw tears on many faces
Of many a people from different places
Tears of hope on the faces of varying races

“America is bigger than the sum of our individual differences
…differences of birth or of wealth…”
America is bigger than status or class
The impact of equality needs to be felt
“There are some that question the scale of our big ambitions”
But “What free men and women can accomplish” is limitless
And dreams don’t need society’s permission to come true
Through dedication and determination they’ll become a reality
“When imagination is joined to common purpose and necessity to courage”
These dreams that they said were too out of reach will be an actuality
We reached this day “because we have chosen hope over fear”
“We have chosen unity over discord”

Where others react with nuclear warfare
Peacemaking and discussion will be our initial sword
But back down we won’t and give up we can’t
Though we want our soldiers sent home
We will not let the death of those men be in vain
If we must we will stand strong alone
We will help our fellow nations
When their best isn’t quite enough
But not intervene when not welcomed there
Not just run when the going gets tough

My new president said this in his inauguration speech:
“It is a parent’s responsibility to nurture a child that will define us”
But I know a teacher, also, can reach
Teaching is the dream God laid on my heart
And teaching is what I aim to pursue
Though some may say I will teach the unteachable
That is what I know God’s called me to do
I can call myself a woman “obscure in my labor”
One who aims to teach the unreachable
And write the indescribable
And race the unbeatable

I may not find a genius in the mind of a child with downs
Or keep an autistic child from bouncing
Or listen to a mute child speak
But maybe I will help one affected with down syndrome
To be seen as a person and act and contribute as a citizen
Maybe I will be able to focus the mind that is wandering
Long enough to make use of their hands
Maybe I can help a voiceless child to be heard
In writing or art or through sign language
Maybe I can redirect the focus of those who turn their heads
From the ones less “normal” than they are
Maybe I can help those who call themselves normal
To see that those children are way more “normal”
Than the world gives them credit for
I hope I can use this obscure dream of mine
To inspire people to look outside themselves
Into the eyes and hearts of those the world has overlooked
To look into eyes that look at the same world that we do

You may not ever hear anything I write
From the podium on inauguration day
But maybe my words can touch one life
And inspire that one life to touch another
Maybe the experiences and thoughts I hold on to
Can be placed in your hands to learn from

I may not ever win the Southern Conference
In any of the races I am asked to run in
And I may not ever break five minutes in the mile
But I may be able to defeat myself
And the voice in my head that says, “give up”
Maybe I can ignore the pain in my legs
Just long enough to disprove all of those
Who said I would never make it this far
Maybe I can show all the doctors that told me
That said I would never run the same again
That faith is greater than epilepsy
And statistics are not right 100% of the time

“So let it be said of our children’s children
That when we were tested
We refused to let our journey end”
Tested I’ve been and tested I’ll be
Til God looks down and says to me
Daughter, it’s time for you to be with me
So from now until then I will not give up
Though I know there’ll be times when life gets rough
I want those who follow behind
To see me as just one tiny life
That, together, with all of the dreamers like me
Lived this journey for more than just what we could see
And they will see life a little bit differently
Than they would have before if there hadn’t been me

The obscurity of my dreams may lead me
To be un-noticed in a society of moneymakers
But the faithfulness I have in those dreams
Will leave me satisfied when not glorified
Because satisfaction cannot be fed
From the outside in
Gratification will not lead to glorification
But the One who instilled me with these obscure dreams
Will surround me with glory when my day comes
For I am willing to sell all I posess in this life
For just one moment in the presence of the ultimate dreamer
The author of creation
The maker of the unexplained
The seer of pain and healer of heartache
The one who holds on to my dreams
When I lose my grip
And leads me to find them again
The one who hears the cries of the forgotten
The words of the voiceless
The shouts of the hurting
And the cheers of the delivered

I praise the Lord for a man
Who has reached those opposed
And those who may disagree
With words spoken after an oath
For a man calling for peace
While preparing to defend
For one smiling while the weight of a nation
Seems to be resting on his shoulders
For a man who finds time to love his family
With a whole nation of families to lead
For a man who acknowledges
That there are ones who are greater than he
Though he is one who may or may not
Agree with who those greater ones are
For a man who will make mistakes
And a man who accepts
That others will make them too

And praise the Lord for the blessings
He has given to the Red, White, and Blue

MLKJ DAY

Then and Now

I’m grateful for MLKJR
The man who took a stand
Sharing a dream
That all should be free
We must believe
Giving us a plan
To join hands
Across a land
But we let go
Let hate flow
And guns blow
And fires glow
From churches
We used to go
To pray
Now kids lay
Dead
Because someone let
Fate rest
On the color test
Of their skin
“It’s not a sin”
They say
So they slay
Then walk away
With no regret
And we forget
That it happened
We keep passin
Each other
We don’t talk
We don’t walk
TOGETHER
We shake our heads
At the dead
But we’re dead
Don’t exist
Cuz we missed
The person beside us
Cuz they aren’t like us
We never think
We could link
How come
We’re never one
Always run
From what could be
If we could all agreed
That we’re all the same
Playin one game
In this thing we call life
Can we ease the strife?
Stop seeing black and white
It’s not right
Only got one life
And we’re dying
Cuz of the fightin
Long ago
It must go
This is now
Here’s how
Stop hatin
That’s Satan
I’m white
That’s right
And I rhyme
Is that a crime?
And you’re black
Imagine that
We both breathe air
We both care
Why not share
Our cares
We both live
Why not give
We both cry
And die
Why
Not
TOGETHER?

I watched steel birds intrude
Where airplanes don’t belong
I never would have guessed
That a plane could be a bomb
But I was wrong
To ever believe
The land of the free
Could never bleed
But she did
We all did
The towers fell
Some went to hell
Some better off
Their families in pain
And the ones to blame
Don’t even care
They’re over there
Hiding in caves
Their victims in graves
Moms and Dads
Never came home
Kids all alone
Smoke filled the city
The scene wasn’t pretty
Streets were a mess
So were our hearts
Fams ripped apart
Soldiers left with guns
All were sons
Some had sons
Of their own
SOME came home
DIFFERENT
They were defendin
Me and you
Red, white, and blue
So stop hatin
Appreciate them
Who knows
What kind of blows
Could have come
If we had run
Been 7 years
Still cry tears
Still have fears
Still today
Still in our minds
In 2009
Never be the same
Things are
DIFFERENT

If I could I would go back in time
To the Jews that stood in the lines
Tell them those “showers”
Had powers
To kill in minutes
Not hours
It would prolong the pain
What’s more insane?
Poison rain
Loss of name
Reasonless pain
Undeserved blame
Help came
But it was too late
Was death their fate?
From the day
They stepped in the gate?
Or did it end?
They were swept away
Like leaves in the wind
And people pretend
Try to defend
Say it’s a myth
They should take a trip
With a girl, just a kid
Who ran and hid
There were no boys
Or toys
Only fears
Of being destroyed
Only fears
Lots of tears
Loss of years
But not her days
They’re on a page
Read to this day
Where’s her grave?
Never gave
No respect
When she left
Only now
Words read proud
In our schools
Don’t be fools
Kids can’t lie
All that time
Don’t be blind
Open your mind
And Never
Ever
EVER
Let it happen again
THE END

Praise Da Lord!

The lighthouse we put a roof on and painted and constructed a wall around...

Doulas- the way up is down

Jay-Jay and I

Corton Tonji and I



I went to a new church this morning called New City Fellowship. It is a multi-cultural church in downtown Chattanooga. They opened the service with a speech by Martin Luther King Jr.

The worship was incredible, not just people standing in pews singing like they wished they were still in bed (which has definatly been me on occasion), but people pouring their hearts out just as they were, some broken, some rejoicing, some searching, some tired, but all genuine. For me the attitude of my heart was one in awe of the God I have recently been coexisting with lately. In no way have I been turning my back on him or ignoring him, but today I was reawakened to the Savior who is worthy of clinging to, and turning to, and chasing after, and learning from. I was reminded that my Savior meets me where I am and brings me the things that I didn't even know I was searching for. I was reminded what the body of Christ looks like, a bunch of random unique people with different perspectives, different looks, different walks of life, and different experiences united under their shared creator and lover of their soul. It was a church that made me proud to be a part of that body. I am pretty sure I have found a church home, or a least a home in the body of Christ whether that is the location I will call my church home or not.

What made the service so impactful this morning was the "Carribbean Medley" that was sang at the beginning. They sang songs I had long forgotten but quickly remembered. They were songs of Jamaica, the place where I felt like I woke up clothed in the blood of Christ, and a heart filled with the love of Christ, and my ears filled with the music of the angels. In no way did the songs they led us in sound like Jamaica, but I heard Jamiaca when they sang. I felt Jamaica as I swayed to the music. And when I say Jamaica, I don't mean the tourist Jamiaca, or even the poverty-stricken Jamiaca where I spent a week of my life, but the spirit of Jamaica which is both the spirit of God and the presence of Satan all wrapped up in one. This may sound like craziness to you, ones who did not expereince what I did, but I am doing my best to help you understand. There you could breathe in the spirit of the Lord, untainted by wealth and commerical corruption and hustle and bustle. But you could also smell Satan in the air and see it in the eyes of Rastafarian men carrying machetties and chanting in tongues. There was tangible and visible spiritual warfare, yet it was very obvious to me and all of the people who went on the mission trip with me which side was winning. The devil was fighting a losing battle. There is just as much spiritual warfare going on here in America, it is just unseen. Here Satan doesn't need demons to posess people... he just tries to distract us from the beauty of the world and our savior by convincing us that the things of this world are beautiful. Or as the pastor said this morning... gets us putting on gold-painted fake jewlry that leaves rust on our wrists and rings that shimmer but aren't the real thing. We look for instant gratification and end up settling for sloppy seconds that are so unfathomably less satisfying than what would come if we waited on the Lord's timing. How easily we get tangled in the trappings of the devil and drag around the unneccesary weight of our unnoticed sin.

"I've got my mind made up and I won't turn back

Because I want to see my Jesus someday...

Born, born, born again

Thank God I'm born again

Born of the water, and the spirit, and the blood

Thank God I'm born again...

Me, I will not suffa

I will not beg for bread

The Lord is my pro-vi-y-da

I will not beg for bread..."

The message was very moving. The preacher talked about the parable of the man who found a valuable treasure in another man's field. Instead of taking the treasure he had discovered for himself without telling the owner he covered it back up and went home to his family and sold everything he owned to buy all of the land. He didn't keep anything from his former life. If he had held on to anything he used to own, he might not have had enough money to buy the land, but he decided that the treasure was worth giving up everything for. Jesus said that is like the kingdom of heaven. It requires a willingness to sacrifice it all for the treasure that we find in Christ Jesus.

"Lord, You are more precious than silver. Lord, You are more costly than gold. Lord, You are more beautiful than diamonds. And nothing I desire compares with you..." That was the last thing I heard in the service today and that is all I have to say about that. :)